I AM your I AM.

I posted part of this conversation on The Joyeful Journey.

I said:  God, I feel like I'm being pulled in so many different directions.  Joel and I know we're called to the ministry, but you haven't opened that door again yet.  So, we're just seeking you and taking steps to provide for our family while we wait on your will.

It's hard.  This waiting.  I want so much to be doing more.  You know how much I long to be on the mission field for you.  It's always been a desire of mine.  I know that where I am is a mission field and I am called to be a missionary here, even in my own home.  But sometimes I just get restless.

Sometimes I feel like asking you why you haven't given us clear direction on where to go. We're more than willing to be missionaries overseas, but we won't take that step without a word from you.   I start thinking of all I want to do for you and I start feeling so inadequate and impatient.

It's hard.  This waiting.

God said:  And I'm just waiting for you to be content with where you are.

I said:  I was afraid you'd say that! Being content is not very easy for me (as you well know!) I can be joyful, but to be content? That would mean I would have to stop striving and wishing and wanting and longing for what I don't have and even for what I'm not.

Okay, God, what are you saying to me? I'm listening.

God said:  What you do for me doesn't define who you are, I define who you are.

I said:  Oh, wow. Thank you for helping me understand this, Lord. I think I need to hear that again...and again.  Please help me remember this! 

I'm always desperately wanting to DO something for you and somehow that DOING begins to DEFINE me instead of what you have already done for me.

God said:  I AM your I AM

"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength." Philippians 4: 12-13

I said:  Thank you, Jesus, for showing me that my contentment is IN you.  And in simply letting YOU live through me.

Remain in My Love

I said:  Jesus, my Jesus, life can get so mundane at times and I just don't have enough hours in the day to fulfill all my duties. I'm exhausted.  And overwhelmed.  If only I could finish my chores faster and enjoy my children more.  I just want to hold and kiss and play with them all day.  They are so amazing, such JOYS!  At the same time, Jesus, I wish I could spend even more time with you.  Just soaking in your presence and reveling in your words. Ordinary days are hard.  They really test my character.  I have such a strong desire to do more for you.  It's so intense at times and there are so many different directions I could go--there are a million different ways I can serve you.  I just need a "This is the way, walk in it"  type of word.  I pray that you reveal your direction to me and my family.  Show us what you would have us do.

God said:  Just rely on me for the manna for each day.

Be content in me.

Remain in me and in my love.

I am not going to pass you by, my daughter.  I know the plans I have for you and I will surely accomplish them.  Know that I am directing your steps.  Dwell in my house--at my feet.