These are conversations with Jesus.  I remember them only because I wrote them down.  And I'm sharing them only because God prompted me to.  Much of what He shares with me could be what He is revealing to your heart as well.  Or maybe you just needed to be reminded that God still speaks, still cares, still wants to be known by you deeply and intimately.

Of course, not all my prayers are conversations.  I'm not always still enough to hear God's voice.  And to be honest, I'm not always seeking to hear His voice (even writing that statement is urging me to seek Him more)!  Often my prayers are rushed supplications.  There seems to be no end to what I need God to do for me and my family.  The list is long and by the time I'm finished I'm just too tired to hear what He would have to say.  But I'm learning to ask Him questions.  And I'm learning that God loves to be asked questions!

Saturday, May 30, 2009

I AM your I AM.

I posted part of this conversation on The Joyeful Journey.

I said:  God, I feel like I'm being pulled in so many different directions.  Joel and I know we're called to the ministry, but you haven't opened that door again yet.  So, we're just seeking you and taking steps to provide for our family while we wait on your will.

It's hard.  This waiting.  I want so much to be doing more.  You know how much I long to be on the mission field for you.  It's always been a desire of mine.  I know that where I am is a mission field and I am called to be a missionary here, even in my own home.  But sometimes I just get restless.

Sometimes I feel like asking you why you haven't given us clear direction on where to go. We're more than willing to be missionaries overseas, but we won't take that step without a word from you.   I start thinking of all I want to do for you and I start feeling so inadequate and impatient.

It's hard.  This waiting.

God said:  And I'm just waiting for you to be content with where you are.

I said:  I was afraid you'd say that! Being content is not very easy for me (as you well know!) I can be joyful, but to be content? That would mean I would have to stop striving and wishing and wanting and longing for what I don't have and even for what I'm not.

Okay, God, what are you saying to me? I'm listening.

God said:  What you do for me doesn't define who you are, I define who you are.

I said:  Oh, wow. Thank you for helping me understand this, Lord. I think I need to hear that again...and again.  Please help me remember this! 

I'm always desperately wanting to DO something for you and somehow that DOING begins to DEFINE me instead of what you have already done for me.

God said:  I AM your I AM

"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength." Philippians 4: 12-13
I said:  Thank you, Jesus, for showing me that my contentment is IN you.  And in simply letting YOU live through me.